Fantagtastic: 5 Things Meme

by Art Fag City on January 29, 2007 Events

Not that I haven’t come up with my own less than stellar titles, but I would like to point out that I had no part in naming this particular headline. You can blame either photographer Brian Ulrich at NOTIFBUTWHEN or Paul Schmelzer over at the Walker Art Center for the pun, and the following meme. Here are five things about myself that readers don’t necessarily know.

1. Contrary to what the name of this blog suggests I am neither a dude nor gay. Apropro of nothing though, the new AFC mandate for 2007 is to stop looking like a blogger. This basically entails wearing boots when I go out. Riveting information, I know.

2. I spent a good deal of time in the summer of 2005 Google image searching Unicorns – a research project that culminated in the above horned porn (I can no longer find the original site the jpeg came from,) and this site. I’m not sure that I find the image disturbing as much as I think it VERY weird.

3. I have an imaginary favorite TV station called the 90’s Lady-Bitch channel. 90’s Lady-Bitch airs material made by or about women in the late 80’s and 90’s who are bitchy and full of attitude. It’s not necessarily good programming, but it does archive that small period of time when feminism was actually marketable. Shows include Madonna videos (erotica), Tank Girl, Roseanne, and about two other women whose names I can’t think of who managed to squeeze some money out of those years.

4. Speaking of TV, during grad school I spent an enormous amount of time sculpting noses out of plastercine with a friend so we could attach them to our screen when we watched our favorite soaps. The composition of every scene becomes much more interesting when you have to watch people arrange themselves around the nose. I cheered for men whose profile shots lined up perfectly with the nose for more than 2 seconds.

5. As it turns out there has not been much research done on how alcohol and drugs effects the mood and reflex time of women on their period, so in the fairly recent past I spent a good chunk of time getting drunk and high for a living. The majority of my day was spent either standing on one foot or filling out questionnaires about how I feel. “On a scale of one to ten rate “overjoyed”,”cheerful”, and “ready to fight” you are,” the survey would ask. I’m no linguist but questionnaires that ask you to quantify “Overjoyed” on a numerical scale strike me as imprecise. Am I saying I am unhappy if I give myself a 2 out of 10 for overjoyed, or am I actually saying I am a little exuberant? How does this compare with how others fill out the survey? It’s quite a lot for a drunk person to ponder – that is, assuming I was actually drunk. To ensure the knowledge of what you ingested didn’t inform your behavior, the researchers disguised everything they gave you in a peppermint flavored drink. I assume I was intoxicated at least once though, as I recall my answer to the question “How are you feeling?” being something to the effect of “Like I should be in a room full of people and chatting with all of them.”

Interestingly, the job only rates as mediocre in my employment history. The worst job I ever held was as a sorter of office garbage at the local dump. You wouldn’t believe how much used porn rides by on those conveyor belts.

We Make Money Not Art

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