Today is International Women’s Day and men all over the world are coming together to celebrate by whining over Twitter about the supposed lack of International Men’s Day. The holiday couldn’t have come soon enough, with white men reeling after Black History Month ended– they could no longer bemoan the question “When is White History Month?”
Not on Twitter? Don’t worry. I am your messenger. I scoured the underbelly of “Men’s Rights” twitter to find the best tweets by “activists” wailing about International Men’s Day and the “War on Bros.”
Where’s International Men’s Day???? I DEMAND EQUALITY
— Tyler (@tylerwilliams48) March 8, 2017
Tyler is a men’s right activist and fraternity boy who likes to tweet about sports, conspiracy theories, and something called “Chilifest.” To answer his question, There is International Men’s Day, It’s November 19th (and every other day of the year).
I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE A INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY. I BET WE WOULD SHUT THE WHOLE WORLD DOWN. SEE HOW THE WOMEN WOULD LIKE THAT.
— Nibbie (@NibbieMan) March 8, 2017
Nibbie has cleverly suggested we partake in a “Day Without Men,” mirroring the popular “Day Without Immigrant” protest. Would women be able to maintain their self confidence without a barrage of men yelling statements like “Damn, Hoe!” or “I’m gonna give you a baby!” when they are walking on the street? How would we know what to do with our bodies without a man to tell us? How do you open a door? Terrifying thoughts.
Do men take international men’s day? No. And you are still wondering why your male coworker is getting paid more?
— AveryDior Proos (@MissAveryDior) February 18, 2017
In the spirit of equality (and thanks to internalized misogyny,) complaining about International Women’s Day is an activity women can participate in too! After decades of debating why it is that women are paid approximately 80% of what men are Avery Dior has finally solved the wage gap conundrum. The answer, it’s International Women’s Day fault. Congratulations, Avery.
Today is International Womens Day, sexist crap. When is International Men’s Day??? I’ll tell you never will be, the feminists would protest.
— Gordon Baird (@Gordon_Baird) March 7, 2017
How would one celebrate International Men’s Day? Examining these men’s activist newsfeeds it seems it that it would involve Kid Rock, Xbox, and taking selfies with dead fish. Such a shame the feminists would protest.
— Global Times (@globaltimesnews) March 8, 2017
Global Times has truly inspired me. I vow to always scream at birthday dinners “LET’S NOT FORGET I ALSO HAVE A BIRTHDAY” right before my friend blows out their candles from this day forward.
Matthew is a firefighter on Twitter who does not understand how dishwashers work. Matthew also does not believe raising awareness about trans violence is important. In celebration of International Women’s Day I contacted Matthew’s fire station to inform them of Matthew’s online activity and he weirdly doesn’t have a Twitter anymore. Happy International Women’s Day.
In conclusion, Rex Huppke stated perfectly
If you’re a guy asking why there isn’t an International Men’s Day, the answer is you. It’s because of you. Now stop it.
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) March 8, 2017
Just to reiterate: International Men’s Day does exist, and it’s on November 19th. Of that day, UNESCO’s Director of Women and Culture of Peace Ingeborg Breines said, “This is an excellent idea and would give some gender balance.”
In that spirit of gender balance, mark your calendars, ladies of Twitter.