Jesse P. Martin August 31, 2011 at 6:45 pm

Yes, it is true that men who don’t immediately sprout boners when nekkit bitchez are present are gay. Or blind. Or gay and blind (blind because they masturbated too much).

And speaking of classical sculpture, gayness, dongs, and satyrs, it’s also well known that the Barberini Faun is the great-grand-leather-daddy of gay dicky sculpture. And, according to Wikipedia, it may also be the gayest/dickiest thing to have ever been lobbed at barbarians.

Will Brand September 1, 2011 at 4:18 am

Firstly, having read Procopius (but not, of course, being an archaeologist or degree’d classicist), that dude was up to his neck in bullshit. I really doubt that (gay-ass) statue was thrown at anybody. Also, I need to do more research, but there’s gotta be a gayer historical projectile. Aren’t diseased cattle a gay thing?

Secondly, as you point out, the biggest problem with this emancipation statue is that it’s going to stay where it is, presumably forever. Nothing says “freedom” like people who can’t move. I would have much preferred a wooden statue, designed to stay where it was only until a hurricane of sufficient force would come along and take it to the sea.

Jesse P. Martin September 1, 2011 at 5:13 pm

Procopius (and Wikipedia) proffer hyperbole and apocrypha…

Plague-bovine notwithstanding, the gayest projectile is the missile. They are essentially cocks-of-steel, and the word itself cannot be uttered without lisping like a total sissy.

Torpedoes are also a form of homo-ammo (and the word has Latin roots in torpere, meaning “to be stiff”). They, too, are dickular and are shot from submarines (which also generally resemble stout phalli).

A more appropriate title for a stalwartly landlocked & bulky statue would be Constipation Monument (because it’s hard to move).

KevinT Hackett September 11, 2011 at 8:11 pm

funny..looks like we have a closet gay on our hands

Anonymous September 1, 2011 at 2:39 pm

Dicks! I should have better things to do than talk about flaccid v. hard cocks, but I do have a few things to say about the iconography of sex in Roman times. Big dicks were silly and meant to ward off bad vibes, like this one of Priapus: (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_olThHR7YHPc/TPudZ8bStYI/AAAAAAAAAP4/57d_xcpWJEY/s1600/priapus.jpg)

If you’re curious, just ask John Clarke, the author of “Roman Sex” and “Looking at Lovemaking: Constructions of Sexuality in Roman Art.” (http://www.utexas.edu/finearts/about/directory/person/225)

Also, I heard that My Little Ponies are genderless. (http://www.wired.com/underwire/2011/09/my-little-pony-pop-icons/) Maybe MLPs will signal a new wave of public sculpture/cartoony plop art.

Mary September 2, 2011 at 6:40 pm

And just what is wrong with an emancipated gay man, anyway?  That is the real question.  Or is the complainer of the aesthetics just being a bully?

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