September 7th will be the evening Chelsea officially returns from vacation, and as such I have prepared a list of art I haven’t seen by contemporary artist’s. Below are the results of my brainstorming activities this afternoon.
1. Drip paintings. Here’s a technique of painting that is the art world equivalent to sporting a goatee. Are we ready for an ironic drip painting? Can a successful drip painting be executed without the crutch of irony? As the “avant garde” it is our duty to push boundaries, no matter how stupid the task may be.
2. Dogs. I’ve seen enough cats on the Internet to last me a life time, but dogs could be filtered into the gallery world a little more and I would be quite happy. Man’s best friend is woefully underrepresented subject matter for painters, photographers, and let’s face it, performance artists.
3. Golf course landscapes. Is there a golf course painting that doesn’t suck? Gerhard Richter, why don’t you take on this challenge?
4. Collage: Just. Kidding.
5. Meta software jokes. Artists making fun of artists who still think mocking bad Photoshop skills is funny.
Art I predict you will see in Chelsea:
1. Narrative painting and drawing
3. Digitally manipulated photographs
4. Clusterfuck. God, fuck me.