The shutdown of the federal government has not affected everyone equally. Here at AFC, none of us are federal employees. None of us have ever been in nature. None of us require experimental medical treatments, and none of us are currently in space. We are all, however, fans of the National Zoo’s Pandacam, which has tragically been lost in the general disruption of public services.
But we’re not taking this lying down. Instead, we will dedicate ourselves to providing Pandacam services for as long as the government cannot, even if it requires a lot of lying down and occasionally live-pooping. Debuting today at noon EST, we’ll provide you with pandas on our Pandacam, and maybe some artist pandas, too, all live from renowned panda habitat 319 Scholes. Pandas will use their opposable thumbs for tweeting on the @afc_pandacam account.
In the off-hours, we’ll feature Bamboo, our panda-themed Zhu Zhu Pet (not to be confused with Zhu Zhu the Giant Panda, who would not respond to emails seeking comment). If you’d like to be a panda, too, get in touch.
It’s day two at the 319 Scholes Panda headquarters and we’ve been suffering from some costume malfunctions. This piece of felt we’re all wearing is getting heavy. Our panda mask has been lost in transit.
No word from congress on when they might resolve this mess, which suggests we’ve got at least a few more days of dressing up like Pandas.
In related news, Newt Gingrich says he will personally pay the cost of the panda cam’s electricity so the cam can be turned back on. Does anyone have Gingrich’s email? We have a sponsorship proposal for him!
Day three. We’ve added a sound track. Marina Galperina is coming in at noon, to perform, “Defective Russian Circus Bear Visits Panda Cam. And at 6, we’re doing Panda Aerobics for anyone who wants to join.