Captain’s Log, stardate 47457.1. We are in holding position, as I am being forced to interrupt my afternoon tea time with an art contest for the Enterprise’s schoolchildren. Yes, it is the unfortunate annual Captain Picard Day, where the observation lounge will be decked out with a crayon and paint scrawled banner allowing the floodgates to open on bad kids art. On top of it, the work is all based on my likeness. It is awkward, as I don’t necessarily feel comfortable with these voudou doll-like renditions. (Just between us, but I asked Admiral Blackwell to send a priority one message so I can cut it short.) I can’t stand how Troi indulges these misdirected creative escapades among the crew’s children. Sure, I consider myself a role model, but I also exceed warp speed limitations! I really don’t see why we have to do this every year.
Captain’s Log, stardate 47457.2. You know, I was kind of joking about the voudou doll thing, and I can’t believe that Paul Menegay kid actually pulled it off. He’s seven years old, and he’s already creeping me out with his Punch and Judy-esque clay sculpture of my head. On top of it, number one took great pleasure in mocking the proceedings. I can’t believe Riker called the resemblance “rather striking”. He better watch it. If he’s not careful, I’m going to plan in the year 2370 a Commander Riker’s Day. Then he can deal with all the bad Starfleet kid arts and craft projects.
Honestly, it’s so awkward. Can we use a cloaking device already?
To be real, this is how I wanted to react to all the bad art I saw. Give me Hamlet anytime, any day.
Why can’t they see the real me? Look, I do jazz hands. I’m hip with it.
Come on, transport me to Broadway already. I’m ready for the big time.
Want a head shot, kids? This is my good angle. Engage already.
Boom! You know I copyright that. Sure, a starship captain’s life is filled with solemn duty, but this is all a damned inconvenience and I’m gonna bounce on an away mission. Give me some unsafe velocities!
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