Dynasty Handbag’s Nightmare-ing of a White Christmas and It’s the Holiday Song of 2016

by Michael Anthony Farley on December 23, 2016 Blurb

For everyone who isn’t quite feeling the holiday spirit of December 2016 as a result of November 2016, this is the Christmas song for you!

Perpetual AFC favorite Dynasty Handbag performed this jingle at her recurring “Weirdo Night” at LA’s El Cid over the weekend, and it pretty much sums up how a big ol’ chunk of female, queer, brown, or just-not-fucking-batshit people feel following the rise of the “Alt-Right” and spike in hate crimes.

She sent us a transcript of the brilliant, brilliant lyrics:

I really need to get up and do some errands…
Baby there’s Nazis outside!

I really should walk the dog and go to the post office…
Baby theres Nazis outside!

I should try and go to work and maybe hot yoga or at least answer some calls
I’m on Facebook all the time I’m having chest pain and bad dreams wait what about my friends? my black friends my brown friends my muslim friends? what about me I’m a gay I might get gay-bashed at the Glendale Galleria some skinheads are gonna beat me and my lesbian lover with baseball bats in the parking garage!

Cuz baby there’s Nazis outside!

I should go volunteer or so something why am I just sitting here  I am gonna post everything I feel garble garble bleablabababerbbrbrbablallaarrrb I gotta get out I gotta get out I gotta get out!

There’s Nazis outside, Nazis outside!

Don’t go to echo park!
You wanna walk your dog but you can fucking forget about it!
Yer gonna get jumped there’s a KKK picnic party in the park!

I really did feel that way

I gotta go to yoga class
But I don’t wanna hear about spirituality and radical love and herebbeberbhhbererbebeberrryyy I don’t want comfort but I want to be comforted I’m so sad, it’s like my parents are leaving me, again. bye! goodbye!

There’s Nazis outside, Nazis outside, but you can just stay indoors and do nothing you fuckin privileged bitch!

I’m so afraid of everything and everyone around me too!

‘Cuz there there’s Nazis outside, Nazis outsiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide!!!

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