Massive Links! The Onion Archive Edition

Man Ray, The Rope Dancer Accompanies Herself with Her Shadows, 1916. Oil on canvas, 52″ x 6′ 1 3/8 Gift of G. David Thompson. © 2009 Man Ray Trust / Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York / ADAGP, Paris. Image via: MoMA

Extensive searching for video related articles on The Onion yesterday yields the following Massive Links post.  Compiling my favorite art related links on the site, I took the liberty of editing out the copious headlines referencing piss and shit, if for no other reason than I’m hesitant to Andrea Serrano quite that much attention.  Dada however makes the cut.  Each clip comes with selected quotes from the news story.  Enjoy!

Hard To Tell If Wikipedia Entry On Dada Has Been Vandalized Or Not

“This is either totally messed up or completely accurate,” said Reed College art history major Ted Brendon. “There’s a mustache drawn on the photo of Marcel Duchamp, the font size keeps changing, and halfway through, the type starts going in a circle. Also, the majority of the actual entry is made up of Krazy Kat cartoons with abstract poetry written in the dialogue balloons.”

The fact that the web page continually reverts to a “normal” state, observers say, is either evidence that ongoing vandalization is being deleted through vigilant updating, or a deliberate statement on the impermanence of superficial petit-bourgeois culture in the age of modernity.

Folk Art Museum Acquires Rare Visitor

“Ms. Schneider is a real find, definitely a one of a kind,” said head curator Natalie Kiernan, who estimated the historically significant attendee’s value was priceless. “You could go years without seeing one of these.” Kiernan admitted that, while the visitor had clearly seen some wear and tear, she appeared to be in surprisingly good shape for her age.

I Don’t Have Time For Non-Controversial Art Exhibits.

Bottom line: If people aren’t protesting, becoming nauseated by, or threatening lawsuits against an artist’s work, you can look around for me, but I’m not going to be there. Using light and shadow to mythologize the pastoral and create a setting where human beings and the natural world can coexist peacefully? Best of luck to you. If you need me, I’ll be watching a heroin addict use his own HIV-positive blood to paint Hiroshima victims on the side of a school bus. You know, with all the other real art buffs.

Magical Gallery Transforms Dull Objects Into Art

“Seth Clayton’s devastating Untitled No. 7 captures the despair of urban ennui in a way that’s post-ironic yet somehow pre-pomo,” said David E. Sherry, owner of the David E. Sherry Gallery, while admiring a rusty bucket and tattered boot lying on the gallery floor. “Its eloquence is truly heartbreaking.

International Petty Art Thief Steals Hotel-Room Painting (audio)

“Hotel management says they are fortunate to have nearly 200 identical prints of the art work on hand, but someone with keys will have to go into the basement to get another one. ”

National Endowment For The Arts & Crafts Criticized For Funding Giant Macramé Penis

The macramé-work phallus comprises three discrete elements: testicles, shaft, and head. The testicles are knotted in Double Alternating Lark’s Head style and decorated with black maple beads. The shaft of the penis, knotted of Tammy’s Hemp Cord in flesh tone, is embellished with subtle strands of Half-Knot sinnet cord in light blue and Amy’s Cord in pale lavender. The head, the most detailed portion of the work, is embellished with a spray of silver glitter.

“[2003 NEAC grant recipient] Terrence Colwell’s macaroni ‘Crown Of Thorns’ was bad enough,” DeLay said. “But an enormous phallus made out of colorful, child-safe materials that anyone could buy at the craft store? It’s way over the line.”

This is not the first time an NEAC grant has sparked controversy. Last year, a vocal group of citizens appeared before Congress to protest government funding of C.F. Littman’s “Piss-Soaked God’s Eye,” and in 2002, the NEAC received more than 10,000 letters of complaint over the grant it awarded Rachel Delancey for her shellacked driftwood clitoris “Found It… In The Sea.”

Poster Vandal Enters ‘Phallus In Mouth’ Period

OAKLAND, CA—According to experts at the American Folk Art Museum, the billboard and subway-poster defacer known only as “Suck It” has entered his “phallus in mouth” phase…