I know I shouldn't expect complimentary flutes of champagne with a fair pass, but given the 30 dollar admission price I expect some basic amenities. What follows are five easy tips on how to successfully make your way through The Armory Show and avoid embarassing art fair FAILs like falling down rickety stairs or passing out from dehydration. My recommendations to The Armory Show fairgoers follow each tip.
How Not to Die at The Armory Show
1. Bring your own water; The Armory has no working water fountains and no free water.
Music festivals have learned the necessity of keeping water on-hand; the Armory too can do this.
2. Beware the staircase of doom: Don’t wear a stove pipe hat, high heels, or carry art on the rickety stairs that connect Pier 92 and Pier 94. And that low hanging sign that reads “low clearance”? It’s the primary reason any signage is needed at all.
3. Charge your phone and camera before you head out to The Armory. The eating and lounge areas scattered throughout the fair lack sufficient outlets. Perhaps they are all in the VIP lounge; I didn’t visit that section of the fair.
4. Don’t stare at the ceiling. The Armory is like a suburban mega-mall with its rows of lights, but coupled with this year’s art fair trend of neon and LED sculptures, the potential for retinal damage is at an all-time high. Invest in some Blue Blockers or futuristic glasses—just like this girl.
5. Eat before you to come to fair. The catering service has been running out of food, I had to eat on the floor, and there’s no soy milk.
Editor’s note: We expect our fair sponsor 20×200 will respond to the needs of the art masses next year, adding soy milk, sunglasses, and one size fits all running shoes in their totes!