Yesterday, we closed the readers’ voting page for AFC’s Rob Pruitt Awards. The results? Not one joke entry was submitted under “Best Genitals.” Hrag Vartanian and Jerry Saltz were nominated for virtually every category. Immediately after the voting page went live, Will Brand’s name mysteriously appeared once each under the “Best Genitals” and “Most Powerful” categories. And it became abundantly clear that nobody can spell; “vrag hartanian”, “rovanian”, “herag”, and “hrog” were all nominated.
Without further ado, we bring you the winners, runners-up, and names that didn’t make the top four:
The Rob Pruitt Award for Best Franco honors the art world personages who were everywhere, for no apparent reason. Entrants are judged on a combination of visibility, distinctiveness, and inexplicability.
The Hyperallergic editor and Brooklyn-based art critic is a force to be reckoned with.
Analysis: Not even a question. Hrag ran away with this one, leading America’s Next-Best Best Franco 67-to-16. No doubt this is thanks to both his tireless campaigning and his uncanny resemblance to the Ur-Franco.
Names you didn’t see: “ironic James Franco”, “Rabbit fish asian guy”, and “Terry Richardson on Tumblr” each received one vote.
The Rob Pruitt Award for Best Genitals highlights artists who have exhibited extraordinary special parts over the past year. Entrants are judged on a mixture of attractiveness, material resonance, and deftness of presentation.
Analysis: See, this is why we had this vote to begin with. Saunders came out of nowhere to finish with a huge lead, and he’s got naughty bits in dozens of works. We’re judging on quality, rather than quantity, though, so the judges will have to determine if any one piece can stand up to the likes of Benglis.
Puns we’re avoiding: “Geni-tally”, “generative process”, “wet.art”.
Names you didn’t see: When asked to comment on genitals, the voters seemed to assume a certain familiarity. “Dom,” “George,” “Monica,” “Paddy”, and “Hrag” all tied with one vote.
The Rob Pruitt Award for Best Jerry must go to the art critic or cultural commentator who best exemplifies the qualities of Saltzhood: talent, populism, baldness, and excessive friendliness.
See? We told you.
Analysis: Again, Vartanian’s base turned out in huge numbers, narrowly beating a tough opponent in Rhizome Editor-at-Large Karen Archey. There’s a lesson here: Hrag wins. Habitually. It’s just what he does. We’re not yet sure what the rules are about winning multiple categories, but everyone in the office is suddenly feeling very bureaucratic. Did we get that nomination in triplicate?
Names you didn’t see: One voter, perhaps attempting to find common ground, voted for Karen Vartanian. Roberta Smith received 13 votes.
The Rob Pruitt Award for Best Procrastinator highlights those who have made Facebook notoriety their business. We’re not necessarily sure who they are, but they sure do like cat photos.
Surprise? The best procrastinator is a video artist.
Analysis: Clearly, there’s a certain amount of truth here: if you’ve got the time to rally your Facebook friends for this award, you probably deserve it. Capone won by the slimmest of margins, upsetting artist (and AFC office favorite) Lorna Mills 34-33 with a strong finish; the tough nomination process makes him a heavily-favored candidate going into the judging process.
Names you didn’t see: “Ill tell you tomorrow or next week”
Most Powerful (by bench press):
Most Art Power rankings are useless, subjective circlejerks. This one’s based on a bench press.
The LA-based painter, video, and installation artist Dominic Quagliozzi might be the most powerful person in the art world.
Analysis: Quagliozzi’s supporters showed admirable loyalty, giving him 20-25 votes in every single category. It’s a strategy that’s gotten him to the finals, but in a tough field: it’s one thing to win a vote, but going up against barely-human killing machine Jason Andrew is another question entirely. Let’s hope he’s got a lot of ‘core strength.’
Names you didn’t see: Bjarne Melgaard received four votes. Looking at that photo, we think he has promise for next year. Peter Schjeldahl, Paddy Johnson, and Will Brand were tied with one vote.
Want to see how your choice does in the final round? The final winner will be decided by our esteemed panel of judges, William Powhida, Jen Dalton, and Anton Vidokle, and announced at the inaugural Art Fag City Rob Pruitt Art Awards and Auction* this February 23rd. Buy your tickets now! If you somehow still don’t know what this is, Paddy explained it to the L Magazine three days ago.
*Still not affiliated with Rob Pruitt