Maggie’s turning twenty-something this week, and she’s ready to usher in a new year of entitlement and internship purgatory. She’s got everything planned-out: a romantic dinner with her boyfriend Ryan, and then an evening at Bowlmor with friends. Since this is the sort of thing actual people might enjoy, the episode opens with a disclaimer from Maggie that it’s “kind of a classy place” and that she’s just going bowling to appease those plebes Ryan associates with. Her token gay is aghast at the thought; assuredly because he’d have to take off his rhinestone-studded Louboutins.
The dinner and its corresponding confessionals play out as more of a budget meeting. Maggie swoons over Ryan for his financial stability, and bargains with him over gift rights. When he allows her to choose a wine she likes to go with her birthday meal, she emasculates him and fantasizes about the ‘take charge’ New York men she used to date (read: Eli Klein). For dessert, Ryan has arranged for the two to share a large piece of chocolate cake. Maggie, disappointed that it’s not from Crumbs and baffled by cake in non-cup format, reconsiders their relationship.
The two get together at Maggie’s apartment with their friends before going to the bowling alley. Maggie’s gay overhears someone mention the existence of another gay, but the excitement ends when it turns out that he’s not white. This sends Ryan’s friends into a downward spiral of homoeros, sharing stories about their fake or hypothetical Grindr accounts, complete with softcore photo shoots. At the bowling alley itself, Maggie is enraged. The boys are enjoying themselves, and this harshes her scowl.
Kerri’s having her own party, which provides the perfect venue for the group’s ongoing anti-Amy sentiment. Earlier in the episode, Liz bumped into Amy at Print and Design New York, stirring the pot of resentment left over from when Amy drank too much at a dinner with Eli Klein. At the party, Kerri says the magic words “I do not want any drama at my party” and the floodgates of hateful gossip open. Amy overhears Liz and Maggie discussing her crime of complimenting the host, and leaves.
Amy tries to reconnect with Liz by bringing cupcakes to Eli Klein’s gallery. Liz is very upset that Amy has forgotten Liz is allergic to gluten; she makes this known by staring silently at her laptop, which helps defuse the situation. Liz agrees to explain her sentiments to Amy at a nearby café, dropping her prior metaphor of Amy as her ‘social albatross’ for the content-null “you’re fake” in an impressive meta-insult on Amy’s intelligence. While it’s difficult to identify alcoholism on a show about drinking, it’s pretty painful watching Amy explain to concerned ex-alcoholic Liz that she didn’t realize how drunk she was getting because she’s just blacked out in general.
Things in Brooklyn aren’t much healthier. Chantal’s taking some pictures we’re not proud of to pay the bills at End of Century, Claudia seems to not understand who Yoko Ono is, and Chantal’s boyfriend Spencer seems to be caught in a bizarre fetish triangle. Chantal believes that Spencer likes her because she’s in some way Asian, and he is happy to help Claudia with her own fetish for curly-haired Jews. Of course he discloses his Asian fetish to Angela; this has happened so many times on Gallery Girls that we’re starting to think it’s court-mandated.
Angela isn’t dating anyone this week, and we’re forced to face the uncomfortable topic of her “show.” Primary gay Alex is in charge of finding a venue, but their only prospect is floundering due to Angela having a budget of $0 and not being a photographer. Angela yells at Alex for interrupting her creative process to discuss these issues, and for not sprinkling his gay dust on her to make her a star overnight. Her “creative process,” for reference, is taking a few tired snapshots in Chinatown a couple of days before her show. “I like to do things in advance,” she explains to Alex. “I like to do things properly.”
Thinking she has time to waste, Angela invites the End of Century girls and Alex over for a sorority-themed party to mock Kerri’s housewarming. Angela explains that sorority girls base their behavior on Sex and the City, apparently forgetting that eight seconds into the first episode she told us “I grew up watching Sex and the City, and was obsessed with Carrie Bradshaw’s life.”
Next time: Claudia hasn’t had a love interest yet, so the producers call up Sucklord from Work of Art.
- Gallery Girls Episode 8: Cheers to Double-Fisting
- Gallery Girls Episode 7: “It Feels So Good to Be a Gangster”
- Gallery Girls Episode 6: We’ve All Made Mistakes
- Gallery Girls Episode 5: I Didn’t See a Vagina in It, But Spencer’s Boss Did
- Gallery Girls Episode 3: “It’s Like, Actual Dirt”
- Gallery Girls Episode 2: “I Feel Like We’re Being Raped Right Now”
- Gallery Girls Episode 1: I’m Just Going to Let Her Rot