The year of Doge!
Hundreds of years from now, anthropologists will look back at our links and think we humans are a strange breed full of idiots, wits, and the absurd. Enjoy: the year 2014.
ANIMALS
In our estimation, Interspecies friendship was the single most dominant theme in popular animal videos. We love those videos too, but none of them made our best-of list.
A video of a dog running into water. Pure joy.
The world’s oldest eel died in a Swedish well this summer. It was 155 years old. Eels typically live about 7 years. The story, which ran in The Local, was accompanied by a picture of an eel with the caption “The eel pictured is not the eel in the story. The eel in the story is dead.”
Live tortoises removed from museum that used their backs as stands for iPads. The Aspen Art Museum removed tortoises from their museum citing safety concerns. The turtles’ backs were being used as stands for iPads. This prompted a petition to free them from the tyranny of the museum’s curators.
An owl swims. No commentary necessary.
Pomeranian walks on his hind legs for two days straight to protest his haircut. We will never have definitive evidence of whether or not the dog was coached, but that’s the headline, and we’re sticking to it. Cutest dog ever transforms self into terrorizing hobgoblin. With a big dick.
A pictorial essay of cats standing up. Cats standing on chairs. Cats standing on tables. Cats lunging. Cats pondering. Cats.
DICKS
There is a time and place for every dick. Only some of these links demonstrate an awareness of that.
Put this in your kids stockings.
A Play-Doh toy that looks like a squirting dildo.
Via: Paddy Johnson’s facebook page.
Double Dick Dino. A little bit of wake up juice. Interspecies love or digital porn? Totally, and utterly, NSFW.
Pumpkin Spice condoms. Just in time for fall.
Birds with human penises. The calendar we only kinda wish we’d made. (Ours was pretty good.)
WEB VERNACULAR
Common parlance of the internet continues to entertain.
Butt pudding. A helpful instructional video on how to make butt pudding.
Women in Western art history having a terrible time at parties. The captions build.
Submission guidelines for our refrigerator door. These include “nothing longer than a page” and no “robot monkey-themed work.”
Comment forums continue to entertain. The most popular comment on Gawker’s vine from space report is a theory about butt plugs.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ was everywhere this year. Kyle Chayka talks about “the shruggie.”
The grammar of click bait. A breakdown on how to write your own click-bait-worthy headlines. It’s so easy!
The Toast’s Internet Glossary. Let’s translate a few common parlances on the web, shall we?
- I love you = We are both on the Internet, and we agree about something
- I can’t even = I am having, at most, one feeling
- THIS = I have no insight to add
These are just a few examples of what The Toast’s glossary brings to the table and it is SO GOOD. More where that came from here.
MUSIC VIDEOS
Our favorite music videos this year are cat themed or the products of single-party republics.
Jimmy Edgar, “Who’s Watching.” A cat video for Jimmy Edgar’s “Who’s Watching.” I don’t love the music, but the visuals are incredible, and described by Edgar as a “cat altar,” a parlance made common by Dump.fm.
Sparks, “Dick Around.” And for music that’s a little more my speed, here’s “Dick Around,” a 2006 track from the Sparks album, Hello Young Lovers. Clearly, this video was ahead of its time. (This video was made in 2006 and uploaded in 2012, but since it only has 25,000 views and we discovered it this year, I think it qualifies for this post.)
Kola Beldy, Ханина Ранина. Let’s be honest; Kola Beldy probably isn’t the best singer to come out of Russia over the last 40 years. This Busby Berkeley inspired video, though, is certainly amongst the most aesthetically pleasing.
COMMERCIALS
#MetroRocks Click and Go. An retro-styled video, packed with references from the 1990s, and intended to promote the use of public transit in Los Angeles. Basically, it’s the best video ever.
Best Period Ever. A story of a hilariously vindictive mother and her pubescent daughter.
I’m not sure I believe this “banned” from TV Grey Poupon ad was ever intended for those networks—it’s all poop jokes. Cringe-y, but great. [via Michael Anthony Farley]
WEIRD NEWS
Furries evacuated from Chicago hotel. AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh
We learned a lot this year thanks to some of web’s more bizarre headlines.
Virtually any story on Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. This portly mayor is best known for his sex tapes, crack smoking and bizarre ability to keep his job. Oddly, news that a rotting dead whale threatened to explode over a small fishing community in Newfoundland ran the same day as Ford’s announcement that he would enter rehab. Sadly the mayor was forced to abandon his mayoral re-election efforts due to a battle with cancer.
Hello Kitty Is Not a Cat. This Sanrio cartoon character with a head fashioned in the shape of a cat is, in fact, not a cat. According to Christine R. Yano, an anthropologist from the University of Hawaii who has spent years studying Hello Kitty, she is a little girl. Caroline Miranda broke the news late August over at Culture: High and Low, and it quickly went viral. In response, Miranda picked up a tattoo at the Hello Kitty convention.
Furries evacuate hotel after ‘intentional’ chlorine gas leak. A news story that gave every furry at the annual furry convention in the Hyatt Regency O’Hare hotel a chance to talk about furry culture. The big news here? Furries never wear real fur.
Sexual preferences of rats revealed. Male rats prefer female rats wearing bras. Yes, seriously.
City raccoons are smarter than rural raccoons. The study was done on Toronto raccoons only, though, so who knows whether the same results would be found in, say, New York.
Sea monsters live! Something ate a 9 foot long shark, and scientists think it was an even bigger sea monster—possibly, a colossal cannibal great white shark. Freaky.
ART F CITY PROJECT PROMO
I’m totally biased about this, but I’m so proud of some of the material we produced I have to include it. And let’s be honest—we made some crazy good shit this year.
First, there was the Art F City Roast Promo Video. (Thank you Fish & Crown)
Then there was the Art F City Pandacam recap. (Thank you Rhett Jones)
Then there was the Art F City Panda Calendar Q&A. (Thank you Rachel Stern, Marsha Owett and every participating artist).
SINGLE SERVING WEBSITES
Patatap — you too could see this on your screen, just by typing.
Websites and videos that aren’t made with art in mind, though maybe made by artists.
American Brainwashing “You will think of Matthew McConaughey every time you hear a google chat notification sound.” Noooooooo!
Huegrant. A website that allows you to adjust the hue levels on a photo of Hue Grant.
Patatap. Load this website, turn up your speakers, and start typing.
DOCUMENTS
Space Attack and other classic video games now available for free online!
No Snowden type revelations this year, but we did find a manuscript from a crazy famous lady.
NEW TREASURE TROVE OF CLASSIC VIDEO GAMES!!! OMG, thank-you Internet Archive for releasing an online arcade that lets you run over 900 classic video games on your computer. Anyone else remember Commando, Space Attack, and Pengo? They’re all there.
Valarie Solanis’s “Scum Manifesto”! This script landed on UBU web this year. Most art students will have gotten their hands on a copy, but it’s good to have this available to the public. Out of a sense of civic responsibility, though, we need to issue the disclaimer that Solanis was unstable—she shot Andy Warhol. This is not a manifesto anyone needs to follow.
FOOD
An actual picture from Martha Stewart’s instagram account.
We’re not huge foodies over here, but even we couldn’t escape Martha Stewart. Beware of her instagram.
A crack in the veneer. From food to home decorating, Martha Stewart’s vast TV, craft and home improvement empire is intended helps people everywhere live a little bit better. Her beautifying skills extend to nearly every field, so WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HER INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT? This year, Martha Stewart’s food photography skills both scared and delighted fans. Chef and TV personality Anthony Bourdain hashtagged one of her photos #deadpastababy. Buzzfeed wrote a feature on how terribly she photographs her food. She very bad at it.
The year of “Ew”. For people who want to eat pictures of themselves, the selfie toaster saw its debut.
Kids are picky eaters. Watch what happens when kids experience a seven course tasting menu at Daniel. Very cute.
MEMES
Doge weather!
It’s been 20 years and the popularity of Internet memes show no sign of slowing. A micro and macro look at some of the fun we’ve been having this year.
Some kid’s dad.
Doge, a slang term for dog usually associated with pictures of Shibe and internal monologue captions that really came into its own this year. Basically, it’s a dog lover’s answer to I Can Haz Cheezeburger? and it’s amazing. Here’s a doge riding a turtle that lives up to its six second length with just as many seconds of fame. And here’s a doge weather forecast.
Clickhole: Because all content deserves to go viral. Even their tagline is hilarious. This satirical news and listicle site by The Onion is modeled off Buzzfeed and Upworthy and known for such posts as: 8 More Unarmed Teens Still at Large and Beautiful! Here’s What the Muppets Would Look Like as Women of Color.
BONUS!
This is my vote for the best picture in the New York Times this year. Above we see Batman and other assorted heroes, villains and pop culture icons testify before New York City Council against a bill that would regulate the ubiquitous presence of costumed characters in Times Square. Photo: Chang W. Lee
Best New York Times photo. My vote for the best picture in the New York Times this year goes to Chang W. Lee’s shot of batman at City Hall. Above we see Batman and other assorted heroes, villains and pop culture icons testify before New York City Council against a bill that would regulate the ubiquitous presence of costumed characters in Times Square. Awesome.
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